Some years ago, as the father of teenagers, it occurred to me one day that all I was hearing from them was the good things that were happening. There were no challenges, no issues, and no bad news. About the same time I was leading a team of sales people who were exhibiting the same communication characteristics. It then occurred to me that teenagers and sales people have a lot in common. What both groups seemed to have forgotten is that I was once a teenager and I was once a sales person. There are issues, there are challenges and there is the occasional bad news.
If people are comfortable sharing the bad news with you then you are more than likely an approachable individual. If not, then perhaps one or more of the following five indicators of approachable people is keeping you from deep and meaningful relationships.
Approachable leaders, whether leading at home or at work, engage their followers at a high level and increase their performance and their results.
The 5 Indicators of Highly Approachable People
- Authenticity – approachable people are real people. They don’t pretend to have it all together when they don’t. They don’t perform for others, they are comfortable just being themselves with all the good and bad that comes with that.
- Consistency of Mood – It’s tempting to over celebrate the good and over condemn the bad. If you exhibit large mood swings people will avoid doing or saying anything to “set you off”. Mind the gap between stimulus (someone sharing bad news) and your response. If there is little or no gap you are reacting not responding and that almost never goes well.
- Confess Mistakes – I was wondering why teenage son did not confess his mistakes to me when it occurred to me that I never confessed my own mistakes to him (or anyone). I seemed perfect and the last thing anyone wants to do is confess mistakes to a perfect person. While I wasn’t meaning to come off as perfect, I was trying not to seem weak, and that’s what I thought mistakes said about me. Sharing mistakes opens the door to what Dr. John Maxwell calls, “Failing Forward”. Once we began to share openly we could help each other to learn and grow from every mistake.
- Ability to Forgive – people who are not forgiving of the shortcomings of others will not do well in the drive to be more approachable. If you ask for forgiveness and easily forgive those who have wronged you, then you do not allow walls to be constructed between you and others.
- Others Oriented – if all of life is about you, then you are not an approachable person. Approachable people value others and make them feel valued. If you put other people first then it becomes easy to celebrate with those who celebrate and mourn with those who mourn. Someone else being successful does not take anything away from you.
Bonus: Mind Your Face – Smile more! People are drawn to people who greet them with a smile!
When you increase your approachability you will increase your influence with others. Increasing your influence will increase their desire to engage with you in whatever you are trying to accomplish. Higher engagement equals improved performance equals better results.